Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
