I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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