Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
