you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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