I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize