If that was your dad, he is hot
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
