He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
