How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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