Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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