I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
