So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
