I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
