I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
