well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
