She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
