y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
