Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
