If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize