i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
