You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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