Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
