I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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