The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
