Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
