PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
