he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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