you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
