she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
