yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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