and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
