all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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