i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
