Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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