This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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