i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My vagina is very pro this idea
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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