Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
