I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
