I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize