Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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