Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize