That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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