I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize