I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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