I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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