We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
