I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
