frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
