So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
