I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Say something about gay babies.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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