When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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