Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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