Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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