She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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