told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
