Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
