I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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