Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
