BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
