Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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