I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
