Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
