I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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