Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
birth control should be required to get into college
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
