I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
