So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh god the rape fog is back!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Randomize
